Post partum can be beautiful

Both my children spent a week in the NICU after I birthed them. With my first child, my anxiety was through the roof. I was a shell, a dry husk of a woman. This led to postpartum anxiety and OCD that took me years to shake. In all honesty, im only now in the process of healing from it, 6 years later.

My latest birth provided me with the narrative to rewrite that story. Your post partum time is so closely linked to your quality of life in your elder years, and its important to me that I remain vibrant and nourished when I enter menopause and beyond. So what did I do differently? I built a community around myself. I nourished friendships and relationships. I shared my needs. I told my partner what I wanted. When there was dissonance, we sought out counsel from a therapist to find the root of our miscommunication. I ate whole nourishing foods, I listened to my body, I asked for help. I did not try to soldier through it or do everything alone like the first time.

I found a midwife aligned with my values and even when my birth transitioned to the hospital I was held by them completely. I had doula friends for myself, and a auntie friend for my daughter so her cup could be filled post partum. I ate noursihing foods, yummy riched baked goods, drank hot drinks made from warming herbs, cried when I needed to , leaned into the support people offered, ate soup, held my baby close every chance I got.

I surrounded myself with beauty. Fresh flowers, natural fabrics like cotton and wool. We are not rich. I worked, hustled, and thrifted, and saved for every inch of this peace I was looking for. When people asked if I needed something I said yes instead of trying to save face and say no, please bring me soup, or wash dishes, or braid my hair ,or braid eldests hair, or spend time with her. I laid in bed, and read books, and knit, and stared at my babys face.

Its easy to push through and keep it business as usual. i did that with my first, and it very quickly came back to bite me on the ass. But in prioritizing myself the second time, ive slowly felt my vitality come back to me over time like it should be. im rarely frenzied or worried with this baby. I trust myself and him more. Yes im still tired, and a little sleep deprived, but I get to enjoy him and his sister in a different way. I am grateful.